From late February-May I spent my days roaming around the Western Region with my pack (Jay and Raina) camping, hiking, skiing, cooking over the fire, weathering wicked storms, exploring, meeting rad peeps, and property hunting. It was the most magical, slow, relaxing, healing trip of my life and I truly believe that the key element that made it feel so, was my undivided attention in the present moment. I have remained off social media and it has completely shifted how I feel in my day to day life. I can’t tell you how liberating it felt to live every day fully in the moment. To give you an idea, I only charged my phone every 3 or 4 days because of how little time I spent on it. Other than for music/audiobooks or the occasional phone call with a friend, that baby was OFF and away from me. Who knew such a simple shift could alter so much of the chemistry within my mind and body?
Feelings of deep freedom, childlike wonder and embodying the essence of what it is to live carefree were significant themes through this period of time and there are no words to describe my gratitude for such experience. I made it to a place where peace was ever-present, patience was effortless, stillness was a dear friend and my joy continuously lit. I will forever behold the truth that the simple life is the richest life.
We ended up finding the perfect lil slice of high desert heaven in Nevada and now have another sacred place to call home, but this one among the sage and under the most brilliant night sky I have ever seen.
It was early May that I began to feel a lil pull back to Big Bear, missing our home, our community and our beautiful mountain climate + terrain. Due to the timing of closing on our property, we decided to spend some time loving on our land in NV en route back to Big Bear.
a celebratory selfie from our new property in “the land of the free“ NV
I genuinely felt whisked away in gratitude. Nothing else existed in me but that fleeting feeling of deep gratitude for days on end.
I am sharing this not to boast but because it gives context as to what I mean by “full spectrum” in what was to come next…
When we finally returned home back in Big Bear, it was the first time I had access to legit internet in months and knew that much had happened in the world since I had been gone so I felt it to be my responsibility to avoid complacency, and do my best to stay informed. I had spent many months detoxing from media of all kinds and it was now my intention to be open to to learn new information and reassess lifestyle choices if new information guided me to that conclusion. Through deep introspection I have noticed my own fault in contributing to conformation biases and it was my intention to observe from an even wider scope as to avoid falling into that for I value full spectrum truth and adaptability. Rather than staying rigid in sticking to old habits (based on old information), I strive to discover new ideas/information that might even contradict the way I previously thought/acted out.
Though my heart and intention were in the right place, I’ll admit, I went waaay too far down into the abyss of infinite rabbit holes and landed myself in a really dark place. I had no idea that my 3 month high of a lifetime would drop off a cliff by reintegrating myself back into “normal home-life”, but because of the manic research mode which I sometimes find myself in, I did. (I’m a 1/3 MG for those of you who are well versed in Human Design. Investigator for life)
As you may recall, throughout the pandemic I perceived the need for connection far outweighing the risk of illness. Due to my understanding of the risk, I never once turned down a hug, and actively created environments for our community to gather in love. I encouraged everything that was the opposite of fear, be it through reconnecting with the land, deepening our connection within via meditation, sound healing, taking others on barefoot hikes to feel the benefits of grounding, teaching people about our plant allies, dancing, laughing, and sharing a merry ol’ time... I have ZERO regrets about bringing people together in this way during a time when “congregation was prohibited”, as every person within our community expressed such jubilation and abundant well being throughout our shared experiences.
I share this because as I was now digging up new information about our ever-evolving situation of our world, I found myself on the other side of that coin. I found myself in fear. Even though I know on a deep level how detrimental the embodiment of fear can be, I found myself in it and it devastated me. I felt hopeless, angry, afraid, disempowered, denied of my birthrights, manipulated, and alone…very alone.
Disclaimer: Before I share the uncensored truth about what was troubling me so much, I want you to know that I also share the perspectives/knowledge/choices that helped me rise above it. You may think I am coo-coo after reading all of this, but know that we DO end on a positive note here and that it is my intention to share this so we can all know how not alone we are- in our full spectrum human experiences.
Lets start with this so called “vaccine”. I understand that the majority of people have been waiting for their covid savior so they could “return back to normal” and many people with good intentions perceive this injection to be just that, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I am not shaming anyone who has gotten it or thinks that it is the best thing that could’ve happened to us, but I do think we could all be a bit more cautious, patient and do some real research of our own before making these decisions.
Listen, I am not an anti-vaxxer, I am just an “anti-experiment without proper consent-er”. The more I dug into the details of this injection, the sicker I felt. I’m not going to go into detail on the reasons below, but rather give a few bullet points because it is not my intent to convince you of my understanding, but to share just a fraction of the depths of darkness I entered and why. If you wish to stay curious and dig deeper, I support you in that, but PLEASE stay grounded, positive and light hearted if you do. Here is a short compilation of said troubling discoveries:
gain-of-function research being funded by fauci in wuhan
the checkered past of all the vax companies as well as their lack of liability
the fact that this injection has not been approved by the FDA but rather “authorized for emergency use” (which is very very different)
this injection does not stop transmission or infection - read the patents (by definition, this should not be called a vaccine if it does not offer you immunization or stop transmission which is why I reference it as an injection, not a vaccine)
fraudulent pcr testing
lack of long term studies showing success and ignoring the long history of previous failed animal trials of all coronavirus vaccines
the baiting of the people to go out and get the jab (and encourage others too) by offering things like entering you into a lottery to win money, discounts on tuition, free beer, free donuts (especially when it is a known fact that diabetics are more at risk than non-diabetics)… since when has our health become a source of bribery?
widespread encouragement of a completely new method of vaccine (mRNA and the programmed use of the spike protein) while ignoring the risks of this method - salk institute is a known pro-vax establishment and has published peer reviewed articles sounding the alarm about the risks of this as well as many many others. We are no longer in the realm of only hearing anti-vaxxers speak into this.
the adverse effects that are taking place on a massive scale compared to any other vaccine that ever existed, and the further suppression of VAERS (Harvard study shows that less than 1% of adverse effects are being reported) - miscarriages, major disruption of menstrual cycles, decidual casts, organ failures, autoimmune etc.
due to the lack of studies, there is no way to receive data on shedding/transmission to non-jabbed clinical experimentalists
even if the vaccine was as safe as humanly possible, the deployment of vaccines amidst a “pandemic” is a widely known risk expressed by virologist experts due to potential variants spreading
tweaking of HOW deaths/cases are reported which changes the way statistics appear (for those of you who don’t know, read the book called “how to lie with statics”, its one of bill gates favorite books, according to the man himself)
the suppressing of public knowledge on beneficial treatments/prevention/how to keep your immune system in tip top shape
the censorship and propaganda relationship that is taking place here in the US which is artfully crafting further division through our social media channels
misinformation has become a new norm for ALL sides, breeding confusion, burn out, willful ignorance, and “all-knowing” from all parties (I’ll touch on some solutions in just a bit)
due to our “state of emergency”, the government does not operate as usual, which is gradually surrendering our constitutional rights (silencing our freedom of speech and pushing for mandates)
hyper inflation is sitting on our doorstep due to the ungodly amount of printing goin on, widening the wealth gap even further
invasion of our privacy and sharing of our personal data/information with china through companies like RING or ECHO devices, and many apps on our phones/tv/computers
and last but not least a myriad of speculative possibilities of nefarious agendas tied to Event 201, militarized bio-weapons, magneto technology, EMF and glyphosate poisoning all beings including bees, butterflies, etc, weather manipulation, social experiments, gates fauci and soros involvement in making decisions for the public and their ways of profiting off it…. you get the picture. I went deeeep down the path of darkness.
In between all of this horrifying digging, I was making sure that I was still getting outdoors multiple times throughout the day to spend time in Nature. I felt deeply conflicted by the two realities, for when I was in Nature, everything seemed to be of perfect divine balance, but when I read through the countless articles, all I could see was the great deception and evil upheaval that was taking place. I was legitimately heartbroken for the possibility of all of this being an attempt at genocide….Talk about some heeaavy shit, yeah?
Unlike any moment I had during 2020, I found myself legitimately scared. It felt like all the forces behind this darkness were playing 5D chess and there was no way to see what the full end game was. For the first time I was scared to interact with people. For one, because I felt like the only person who saw a comet heading toward earth and two, because the fear of this potential shedding to take place. I found it was quite reasonable to act with caution as it was plausible for this serum to actually be a bio-weapon served on a platter labeled “life saving vaccine”, as many censored doctors have been warning. No joke, I spent a over a week crying and grieving over the severity of it all.
So, while most of the world waited for this “vaccine” so they could go back to “normal life”, I was in a completely different camp. I found myself afraid of anyone who had gotten the jab, or anyone who hadn’t but was living with/or close to someone who had. I knew I was entering a state of non-well being so upon the advice of a close but non-local friend, I decided to go for a hike with a dear friend of mine that did live locally. This was my first ever interaction with a loved one, not hugging, not sharing food, remaining at a distance… being that this dear friend is a new mama, I didn’t want to burden her with the truth of what was weighing on my heart, for I did not want my fear to spread, especially since I hadn’t found a way to process it yet. I could tell she was a bit confused by my requests of distance given my stance/energy throughout the whole pandemic but she remained non-judgmental. When I got home after that hike, I broke. I saw so clearly how fear was dismantling my well being. I felt so incredibly disempowered by this new knowledge I had absorbed as well as the narrative I chose to adopt around it. I felt regret towards how I handled that interaction, knowing that any amount of “shedding risk” I gave myself by simply being around her in a normal fashion was far less detrimental than the mental-fuckery I would experience by mentally battling my own fears and going all the way in taking all the precautionary measures.
I am grateful I had the opportunity to have that experience because I learn best through trial and error, not through what someone tells me I should do. So, after that experience there was no doubt in my being that that was completely out of alignment and something to rule out as an option for the future.
After willfully marinating my mind in such negativity, my body (in her infinite wisdom) decided that this would no longer stand. The next night, I involuntarily purged everything that was in my body, which literally lasted until the sun lit the sky the next day. This was a major awakening for me as I did not eat or take anything that should have caused such a reaction within my body. I knew it was a blessing in disguise. A way for my body and soul to communicate a deeper truth to my clouded mind. A physical purge from all the toxicity of my mind. It was this moment that I began to shift back into my higher self.
This shift propelled me into solution seeking rather than doom dwelling. Prior to this shift in the midst of all my research, I discovered two antidotes that I felt deserved more of my attention. One being Pine Needle Tea (white pine or pinion), which offers an inhibitory effect against coagulation and against the inappropriate replication/modification of RNA and/or DNA. As mentioned before, my concern was the shedding effect of this mRNA and the spike protein which has been observed by medical professionals to be the cause of blood clots, mini-clots, brain embolism (strokes), heart attacks, pulmonary embolisms (lung), volatility in menstrual cycles, uterus decidual casts and heavy bruising in some cases.
The second antidote is nebulizing H202 (hydrogen peroxide)- but make sure it is food grade H202 3% mixed with saline solution. Did you know your body actually makes H202 too? The immune system uses the compound to boost the natural functions of cells and prevent viral infection. Viruses move around the body by infecting live cells that replicate viral DNA and RNA, and many studies show that vaporized particles of H202 lead to inactivation of virus activities. Viral infections are eradicated from the body not by killing the virus itself, but by killing the cells that produce them.
What I love most about both of these antidote solutions is that there is no way to lose by partaking. Pine trees (and their Needle Tea) grow alllll around us, giving just about anyone access to the medicine for free and aside from its purpose in shutting down the spike protein factory within, it is also widely beneficial for you by being so rich in Vitamins C and A and more.
Likewise, the nebulizing H202 solution has many benefits aside from protecting you against viral infections and you can purchase a nebulizer, a bottle of food grade 3% H202, and saline packets for less than $100 (I do not sell or advertise these products for any form of profit). This one time purchase will last you literally decades and offers you more than just one benefit. Hydrogen peroxide consists of a water molecule (H2O) with an extra oxygen atom (H2O2). It is the extra oxygen atom that makes it so deadly for viruses. You see, viruses are not alive, so it’s not possible to kill them. Viruses are just pieces of genetic code. In and of themselves, they can neither survive nor reproduce. Viruses need to infect cells. In the interior of a cell, a virus uses the cell’s own DNA and RNA in order to reproduce. In other words, what a virus does to an infected cell is to control it and use it to manufacture new viruses. This new virus, in turn, can move out of the cell and go and infect other cells. The way to control any viral infection is not to kill the virus, it is to kill the infected cells that have been turned into viral factories. And that’s just what that extra oxygen atom on hydrogen peroxide does.
So healthy cells (not infected by viruses) are equipped to handle the extra oxygen atom that comes with hydrogen peroxide because they have healthy antioxidant defense systems. But once they are infected with a virus, they lose much of their defensive capability, and are then easily destroyed by hydrogen peroxide. When your immune cells are busy killing the infected cells that make viruses, they make their own hydrogen peroxide to do it. Hydrogen peroxide therapy works by helping your immune cells do the job they were assigned. Long story short, even if you aren’t concerned about the reproduction of spike proteins, this is still beneficial to your overall well being by increasing your oxygen levels within.
Once I discovered that I could be cautious without being fearful, my whole perspective began to shift and I regained alignment throughout my mind, body and spirit. This realignment created for some very “out there” revelations, especially after returning to my truth from such a contrasted darkness.
Naturally, I feel far more humbled than ever before. Though the universe is vast and complex, I can see how everything that exists within it is either of the vibration or love or fear. Literally every single thing can be boiled down to one or the other, which assists me to step more into my intention of always showing up with love. For instance, even writing this now, I could have chosen not to share this experience for how many people would think I was insane, and/or the potential customers I may offend or lose for sharing such things, but if I hadn’t written this out to share it with you, it would have been out of fear, not love. I share this because truth is the purest form of love. Even if there is only one person that this benefits, then for love’s sake its worth sharing.
I am also grateful for my recent lows because it gave birth to a new found Clarity within me. In those moments of sadness and fear of losing everything, I knew what mattered most to me. Going within and having a sacred relationship with self is important but I am now even more aware than before how truly sacred our connections with one another is. We are the most beautiful reflections of one another, and that mirror is essential to our existence. My compassion of other is greater than ever before, because my compassion for myself is greater than ever before. My forgiveness for others’ irrational behavior is greater than ever before because my forgiveness for my own irrational behavior is greater than ever before. To have an impactful meditation is of great significance, but to share that experience with another which then feeds into deeper understanding in unforeseen realms, is even greater.
Throughout this wild journey, my partner Jay supported me ever step of the way. Even though we varied in degrees, there is no doubt we rode this wave together. A few days ago we were drinking our morning Matcha talking through some of our take-aways from this whole experience and it felt like it all clicked perfectly into place. After our multi-hour mornin ramble I grabbed out my journal and wrote this in one fluid scribble as a note to myself which I am happy to share with you:
“We must shine a light on the unspoken factors of what is really going on here on Earth. We have been programmed into fight or flight globally which hijacks the amygdala of all. With this hijacking comes the inability and lack of motivation to observe and contemplate complexities. Due to this reptile function of the brain paired with the parabolic rise of overstimulation (screen time), we are all semi-forced into creating our own categories of broad strokes to which we can all filter information into levels of disqualification. We don’t do this because we want to, but because it is our way of survival. The most commonly embraced complexity (yet widely unconsciously ignored) is our own personal ties with inferiority or superiority. These complexes are what feed Vertical relationships. Vertical relationships serve only one of two possible purpose/intentions which are to either give your power to another or to try to gain power over one another. This is not the way of the future. So, what might be the way we evolve past this?
Horizontal Relationships. Take a long hard look at every single interpersonal relationship you have and honestly categorize them into either Vertical or Horizontal relationships. You will notice a pattern that your healthiest and richest relationships are those of balance on the horizontal plane. In every instance you feed a Vertical relationship, whether you be on the side of inferiority or superiority- it does not matter, you are feeding dis-ease within yourself and within the collective. It is 100% possible to have all horizontal relationships and this is the way forward.
Be an active listener. Do not listen with intent to respond, but rather listen with intent to gain better understanding. You do not have to agree with someone in order to gain better understanding. Take a deep breath if you catch yourself starting to drift into default categorization, (example: “this sounds like a bunch of Q nonsense”). Stay curious, never assume and try to gain better understanding.
Debate without hate. Realize that any judgment you have of the other, says more about you than it says about the other. The art of intelligent conversation is disappearing and we must all learn to leave our egos out of it. Honest conversation needs to be re-learned.
Share your perspective and knowledge without agenda or profit. It will cause ripples far greater than any amount of profit you will gain in the short term.
Zoom out and enrich your state of being by tuning inward and seeking the wisdom within. Open your mind to think without labels and seek to understand the intentions of those who surround you.
Awareness is key. Notice when you, yourself are in fight or flight and acknowledge that if you are, you are likely filtering information that is coming to you to only see what your emotions want to see- not the full spectrum of truth within that moment. Notice when you are choosing to be or are being placed in a vertical relationship and shine a light on it, and speak into it when it occurs.
You are a Free Empowered Sovereign Being of LOVE.”
I may not have all the answers, but I don’t need to. I have these simple truths and keys of awareness that serve as my guide into the unknown with confidence and grace. Blame, anger and overwhelm are easy to accomplish in this day in age. It takes no work at all. Rather than to dissolve into the mania, and contribute to the dis-ease of our collective, I seek the hard inner work of acceptance, wider perspectives, peace that does not lean on circumstances, and to embody the energy of optimism even in the face of total darkness.
And remember, when we zoom way out and see our Earth as the perfect little blue dot that it is, all is divine. All is perfectly balanced. Our world is as it has always been, made up of a perfect balance of duality. The positive and the negative are necessary forces of life, just as death coexists perfectly with life.
Life is a song and I intend to feel/hear this work of art in its entirety. I do not deny the nuances of the journey and attempt to skip to the last note. Nobody listens to music so they can hear the note at the end that brings the song to completion. I am here to fully embrace each note as it unfolds, to feel the music in my spirit. For all we truly have is the moment we are experiencing here and now.
There is so much beauty within this life to speak into, but I will leave it at that for now. SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU.